Bizzaro Ollie: The name for Evil Oliver Perez. The guy who walks the ballpark.
Ex-Expos ZhupairZhtahs: Former members of the Expos who are now mainstays on the Mets. The current hierarchy is as follows:
- Manager: Moises Alou. Never plays. More or less sits on the bench and watches.
- Captain: Ryan Church. I mean, look at that soul patch. More importantly he’s a white gamer.
- Pedro Martinez: I mean… come on.
- Brian Schneider
- Endy Chavez
- Fernando Tatis
- Claudio Vargas
- Future Member: Vlad Guerrero. He fits the Omar-profile. An older Latin player on the decline who’s going to want a disturbing amount of money.
Ramon Castro’s Jaw: The unofficial mascot of Keith’s Moustache. We operate under the theory that the power of the Mets line-up is stored in that enormous mandible.
Wagne: The name for Evil Billy Wagner. The guy who blows three-run saves or melts down if you ask him to get a fourth out.
The Board Room: The organization, housed in a smoke-filled, basement room in the Manhattan Masonic Temple on 23rd Street that scripts all the sporting events and selects what music is going to be popular.
The Script: Said script for any given season.
The Memo: Last minute changes to The Script.